Blog Archives

What Does Polygamy Have to do with Homosexual Marriage?

Time magazine has a fascinating article on the rising movement to legalize polygamy and polyandry. The movement is directly connected to the rising demand for gay marriage. Belinda Luscombe writes:

wpolygamy_0806Proponents of defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman have long argued that if we entertain variations on that theme, like gay marriage, the institution will soon become unrecognizable. “If you think it’s O.K. for two [men to marry], then you have to differentiate wit me as to why it’s not O.K. for three,” said former presidential hopeful Rick Santorum on the campaign trail, echoing a common refrain. Even though there’s no historical precedent linking one to the other, growing public support for gay marriage has nonetheless gladdened the hearts of polygamists. “If people are open to gay marriage, it impacts on how they look at plural marriage,” says Darger, who lives with his three wives and 18 of his 23 children in Herriman, Utah…”You can’t talk about gay marriage and still criminalize us for who we love and how we organize our families.” [emphasis mine]

Make no mistake the movement to legalize gay marriage is a movement to obliterate the definition of marriage and nothing less.

August 20 2012 | Blog | Comments Off on What Does Polygamy Have to do with Homosexual Marriage?

How Does the Cross Address Marital Issues?

CopyofThe_Cross_16Paul Tripp has a great post over at the biblical counseling coalition’s blog about how the cross addresses marital issues. Tripp reminds us that 1) The cross tells us what’s wrong wit us, 2) The cross tells us how what’s wrong will get fixed, 3) The cross tells us our role in the work of personal change. Here’s one section that I found especially helpful:

As I sat in that restaurant that evening with my friends, I felt incredibly helpless, but not hopeless at all. The cross tells me that I have no power whatsoever to work the internal change of heart that is the key to lasting personal change. In other words, I have no ability at all to deliver people from their deepest problem; sin.

As I sat across from my friends, I knew that I didn’t bear the burden of being their redeemer. If I was to help them, it was profoundly important for me to know my place. In 2 Corinthians 5:20, the Apostle Paul uses the best possible word to define our place in God’s work of change. We are called to be nothing less than and surely nothing more than “ambassadors” of the One who suffered, died, and rose again so that change, real lasting personal change, would not just be a distant hope, but a realistic expectation of all who are bold enough to step into the arena of human difficulty and offer help. The cross reminds us that we are not the change agents, but representatives of the One who holds the power of real internal and interpersonal change in his hands.

May 11 2011 | Blog | Comments Off on How Does the Cross Address Marital Issues?

“I Don’t Have to, I Get to…”

Timmy Brister:

I first heard about this story from Steve Childers in his final talk at my first GCA National Church Planting Conference. His message was entitled, “Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing.” It’s the story about Robertson McQuilkin and his dear wife Muriel. McQuilkin was the son of the founding president of Columbia International University, and as a young missionary couple, Robertson and Muriel spent 12 years in Japan before returning to the United States, at which time Robertson became the president of Columbia International University in 1968.

Although thoroughly enjoying his role as president at Columbia, McQuilkin resigned from his post in 1990 to care for his wife who had been battling Alzheimer’s Disease since the early 1980′s. Someone happened to have a micro-cassette recorder in that meeting and recorded a portion of his resignation speech. Here is that recording of Robertson sharing about why he resigned. This is a testimony of biblical manhood.

April 29 2011 | Blog | Comments Off on “I Don’t Have to, I Get to…”

Happy Birthday Amy

A few months ago I started a new tradition of writing a letter to teach of my boys on their birthdays. As I was thinking about it, I decided that it might be memorable to do the same thing with my wife. Today’s is Amy’s 32nd Birthday and this letter commemorates the last year.

DSC_0208_2Dear Amy,

True to form this has been a year of massive changes for us. I was counting up the number of times that we’ve moved in our 10 years of marriage and I think it’s a total of eight with another one coming (into the parsonage) in just a month or so. Of course, the biggest change this last year was our new addition, baby Luke. I am so proud of the way that you have risen to the challenge of three children (5 years old and younger). You are a wonderful parent and I was strongly acknowledge how dependent I am upon you and what a wonderful job you’re doing with these boys.

Of course this last year has had other changes as well, especially our most recent move down to Cool, CA. While moving to Cool was definitely what we both wanted, it was still a big change for us. We left our beautiful 2,000 square foot house to move into a 1,200 square foot house (while adding another person to the family at the same time). We left our home group, which was full of wonderful friends who we still dearly love. We left a great church that we still have deep affections for. At the same time, God has been so gracious in His provision for us here at Cool and I know that neither of us would change anything about this last year. While our home has been rather cramped, it has been full of love. While we still miss our friends from Emmanuel, it seems to me that God has paid us back double with all of our new friends here in Cool and especially with a tremendously gracious and caring church body.

I think one of the things that has stood out to me the most about you this year has been your ability to adapt to the changes around us and to maintain a gentle and quiet spirit in the midst of seeming chaos at times. You really are the glue that holds our family together and I am so thankful for you. Not only that, but you are a precious friend and counselor to me. I love the account of God’s decision to create woman in Genesis 2. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” In Hebrew the word is ezer kenigno and it means one who is perfectly formed for the help of another. Amy, you are my ezer kenigno. You fill up so many of my shortcomings with your graciousness and your love. Thank you for continually pointing me back to my need for a Savior and to the gospel. I love you.

‘Til Sin is Bitter Christ Will not be Sweet,


March 21 2011 | Blog | 2 Comments »

I Looked for Love in Your Eyes

This poem has been making it’s way around the internet lately.  It’s from a reader of Tim Challies blog and is a tragic testimony to a wife’s sorrow over her husband’s pornographic lust.

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.

Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.

Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.

Where are you?

Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?

I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?

Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?

If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.

Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.

Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.

An image burned into their brains.

Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?

You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?

That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.

Was it worth it?

December 29 2010 | Blog | Comments Off on I Looked for Love in Your Eyes

Pursuing Sexual Purity in Your Marriage

Randy Alcorn has some excellent suggestions for pursuing sexual purity in marriage.  Here are a few of the highlights:

1. Regularly evaluate your relationship with your spouse. Beware of poor communication, inadequate conflict resolution, poor sexual relationship, discontent, and other red flags. Keep your fingers on the pulse of your marriage!

2. Spend regular uninterrupted time together to communicate on all levels: spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. (Date your spouse. If it’s not happening, put it in your schedule!)

3. Share openly with each other—don’t harbor secrets or withhold personal struggles. (Every adultery begins with a secret.)

7. Be fiercely loyal to your spouse; speak highly of her/him and never downgrade her to anyone.

12. Anticipate, and then act to prevent, avoid and resist sexual temptation.

17. Take care of your physical health; be as attractive to your mate as you can.

18. Be modest with others in public, and sexy with your spouse in private—not the opposite!

20. Rehearse in advance the devastating consequences of immorality and a broken marriage. Count the cost of neglect and unfaithfulness!

You can read the rest of Randy’s blog post here.

August 23 2010 | Blog | Comments Off on Pursuing Sexual Purity in Your Marriage

When Am I Obligated to Have Sex with My Spouse?

Talk about a touchy subject!  Winston Smith has some great advice for husbands and wives here.

July 23 2010 | Blog | Comments Off on When Am I Obligated to Have Sex with My Spouse?

The Story Behind “Lead Me”

The Story Behind “Lead Me” – Sanctus Real from BrightBulb Entertainment on Vimeo.

June 27 2010 | Blog | Comments Off on The Story Behind “Lead Me”

Getting Serious About Pornography

National Review Online has a great article on the serious affects of Pornography.  Here’s an excerpt:

Perhaps the greatest hardship for women who fear they have lost (or are losing) a husband to Internet porn is the absence of a public consensus about the harmful effects of pornography on marriage. Consider what we know. In a study published in Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, Schneider found that among the 68 percent of couples in which one person was addicted to Internet porn, one or both had lost interest in sex. Results of the same study, published in 2000, indicated that porn use was a major contributing factor to increased risk of separation and divorce. This finding is substantiated by results of a 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, during which surveyed lawyers claimed that “an obsessive interest in Internet pornography” was a significant factor in 56 percent of their divorce cases the prior year.

Porn use creates the impression that aberrant sexual practices are more common than they really are, and that promiscuous behavior is normal. For example, in a 2000 meta-analysis of 46 published studies put out by the National Foundation for Family Research and Education at the University of Calgary, regular exposure to pornography increased risk of sexual deviancy (including lower age of first intercourse and excessive masturbation), increased belief in the “rape myth” (that women cause rape and rapists are normal), and was associated with negative attitudes regarding intimate relationships (e.g., rejecting the need for courtship and viewing persons as sexual objects). Indeed, neurological imaging confirms the latter finding. Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, used MRI scans to analyze the brain activity of men viewing pornography. She found that after viewing porn, men looked at women more as objects than as human beings.

You can find the rest here.

May 19 2010 | Blog | Comments Off on Getting Serious About Pornography

Stuck in a Rut


If you’ve anything like me, you’ve probably experienced argument amnesia before.  This is what happens when you get into an argument (often times with your spouse) and after a few minutes, you can’t even remember what you’re fighting about.  It almost doesn’t matter what the subject matter is, you somehow continually find yourself back in the same place.  In short, you’re stuck in a rut.

One of my favorites lines in Psalm 23 is in verse 3 where David writes, “He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”  The Hebrew can also be translated, “He leads me in the ruts of righteousness.”  As the Shepherd of Psalm 23 leads the flock from one pasture to the next, he would follow a path that many sheep had trodden before.  The result of all this travel was that the path would become well worn and eventually turn into a rut in the ground that the sheep would follow as they were lead by the Good Shepherd.  What makes the imagery of Psalm 23 so powerful is that these are the “ruts of righteousness.”  As you follow the Good Shepherd, these are the natural paths that you take.

Just as there are “ruts of righteousness”, there are also “ruts of unrighteousness.”  A “rut of unrighteousness” is a pattern of sin that is so intuitive that we periodically fall into it without even realizing where we are or how we got there. If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I can’t believe that I did that again!” when you fought with your spouse, or yelled at your children, or said something hurtful to a co-worker, then it may very well be that you’re stuck in a rut of unrighteousness.

The thing about a rut is that you have to be intentional about stepping out of it, otherwise it will lead you to the same place every time.  A large part of the process of redemption is stepping out of these “ruts of unrighteousness” and following the Good Shepherd in new paths that may at first seem unnatural, but which eventually lead you to green pastures and quiet waters (Psalm 23:2) where you can find rest.

March 15 2010 | Devotional | Comments Off on Stuck in a Rut

« Prev - Next »