One of the most common issues that comes up in my counseling office, as well as in my own spiritual life is “the fear of man.” Ed Welch defines the fear of man in simple terms, it is “when people are big and God is small.” Welch writes, “Scripture gives three basic reasons why we fear other people…1) We fear people because they can expose and humiliate us. 2) We fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise us. 3) We fear people because they can attack, oppress, or threaten us. These three reasons have one thing in common: they see people as ‘bigger’ (that is, more powerful and significant) than God, and, out of the fear that creates in us, we give other people the power and right to tell us what to feel, think, and do.”
The fear of man can take on many different shapes and sizes. It might look like an unpleasable boss who apparently has the power to bring financial ruin upon you by firing you. For pastors, it often looks like a disgruntled church member who can bring untold chaos to the body by gossiping, calling for special meetings, and writing endless letters. In some extreme cases it may look like an abusive spouse or father who verbally puts you down in order to lift himself up. What all of these circumstances have in common is the fact that the person in question looks very powerful and intimidating. The fear of man is so powerful that it can even take on physical manifestations, especially for those who have dealt with abuse in the past: sweaty palms, heart racing, nervous habits, or even panic attacks can all be the results of the fear of man.
Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” The snare of the fear of man is that it if people are big and powerful in our estimation, God is invariably small. There is only so much room in the human heart and when men become too big, the heart diminishes God and our perception of his ability to save.
Like most people, I’ve struggled with the fear of man since I was a child. In counseling I’ve recently come up with a set of questions to help overcome the fear of man. These certainly aren’t exhaustive, but I’ve found them to be extremely helpful in my own life, as well as the lives of those I work with.
When I am tempted to fear man I want to ask myself 3 questions.
1) Who do I fear right now? This question is intended to be something of a slap in the face, to help me realize what I’m struggling with. The real issue is not that I have a disgruntled church member who may cause great harm to the church; the real issue is that I am being tempted to fear him or her more than I fear God. Psalm 34:7, 9 might be a good verse to meditate on in this regard, “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and delivers them…Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack.”
2) How have I sinned? This second question is really designed for me to “get the log out of my own eye” (Matthew 7:3-5). Often times the fear of man can look like a false sense of guilt over something I’m being accused of. This question allows me to step out of the situation I’m in and ask myself in biblical terms if I have sinned. The goal of this question is that I would make that right with the Lord, before I make it right with anyone else (Psalm 51:4).
3) How have I been sinned against? This final question is meant to provide one more level of clarity as I work through the fear of man. If I’ve sinned against someone than I need to go and make it right with them, on the other hand if someone else has sinned against me I need to go and confront them in that. Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.” The goal of this question isn’t for me to find a weapon to attack with, but rather to help clear the fog of the fear of man from my eyes and to see people accurately through the lens of scripture.
There are certainly other questions that could be asked and would be helpful (i.e. “How can I serve in this situation?” or “What does God expect of me right now?”), but the big idea is to use questions to lift the fog of the fear of man and to see God as He truly is. Isaiah 66:1-2, “Thus says the Lord: Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool; what is the house that you would build for me, and what is the place of my rest? All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.”
February 21 2010 | Devotional | No Comments »
“When People are Big and God is Small” by Ed Welch is a book about fear, specifically it is a book about the fear of man. I first read this book during a time in my life when there were some pretty big people and unbeknownst to me God had become very small in my thinking. Dr. Welch served as a powerful antidote to the fear of man in my life at that time and continues to remind me of the temptation for me to fear man today. This is my second reading of this book and it has proven itself to be a tremendous blessing yet again.
Welch’s big idea in this book is that the fear of man is a controlling factor in every person’s life that needs to be overcome by the fear of God. Welch writes:
Scripture gives three basic reasons why we fear other people, and we will look at each one of them in turn.
- We fear people because they can expose and humiliate us.
- We fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise us.
- We fear people because they can attack, oppress, or threaten us.
These three reasons have one thing in common: they see people as “bigger” (that is, more powerful and significant) than God, and, out of the fear that creates in us, we give other people the power and right to tell us what to feel, think, and do.
I read this book over the course of the last 3 months alongside of the youth staff, which afforded me the opportunity of really thinking through what Welch was saying. Time and time again I found practical situations come up where I had to decide whether I would choose to fear man or fear God. In short, this is a paradigm shifting book that teaches how to overcome the fear of man with the fear of God.
My only criticism of “When People are Big and God is Small” is the length of the book. While the book only weighs in at 239 pages, I frequently got the impression that what Welch was saying could have been said in a shorter way. Even with that fault, this is a great read. If you have ever struggled with wanting other people to think highly of you (and who of us hasn’t), this is a great book to consider. I highly recommend it.
April 27 2009 | Blog | No Comments »
One of the unspoken fears that many pastors face is that of inadequacy. Even the apostle Paul seems to have struggled with this to some degree, we see him crying out “Who is adequate for these things?” in 2 Corinthians 2:16.
It seems that the longer that I am in ministry, the more inadequate I feel. I believe that on one level this is a good thing, because it reminds me of how much I am dependent on the Lord for everything; however this sense of inadequacy can quickly degenerate into what the Bible calls “the fear of man” (Proverbs 29:25). “The fear of man” refers to the desire to be honored or thought of well by people and the paralyzing fear of not having others think well of you.
I was graciously reminded of my own sin in this area this morning as I had some time to think about the ministry and how God has been working in my life lately. One of the necessary attributes of leadership is confidence. Leaders, by virtue of their position, must be confident people. This certainly does not mean that all leaders are arrogant, but they must be confident of what they’re doing, where they’re going and how to get there otherwise no one will follow. The flip side to this confidence is frequently a personal lack of confidence.
As I thought about the ministry that God has called me to, some haunting questions began to come into my mind: Am I a good pastor? Am I really called to pastoral ministry? Is what I’m doing successful? Do I hold doctrinal positions too strongly? As I dwelt on these questions, I was shocked to realize the perspective from which I was asking them. I wasn’t asking myself whether God believes that I’m a good pastor, but rather whether other people believe that I’m a good pastor. I wasn’t asking whether God would consider my ministry successful, but whether other people would? I wasn’t asking what God thinks of my doctrinal beliefs, but what other people think of them? Ultimately, I was craving the approval and affections of men more than that of God and that is the fear of man. Scripture tells us that we are to fear God and not man (Proverbs 29:25). Ultimately, it is his opinion and his opinion alone that matters. Romans 14:4 speaks of the servant of the Lord and says, “…It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”
So, it is right and good to feel inadequate because after all, I am nothing more than a clay pot holding a very precious treasure. But in the end, I am God’s clay pot and it is his assessment of my work that matters most.
October 13 2008 | Devotional | 2 Comments »
