Here’s a great suggestion for connected families. It’s called a “technology basket"” and I’m going to start using one right away.
These parents created a special family basket and asked everyone put their most tempting electronic devices in for a few hours each evening. Dad put his work laptop in, mom put in her Kindle, and the kids dropped off their cell phones. Instead of just mandating rules, the parents decided to model how they wanted their family to operate. And instead of focusing on how to limit technology, they focused on opening up a space for conversation, games, and meals.
At any time, the parents and kids can look over at the basket and see what’s there and what’s not and hold family members accountable to it. As a bonus, the basket serves as a powerful physical reminder that the entire Internet and all its wonder can be relegated to a few inanimate devices in a trash can.
I have something of a love-hate relationship with my television. There are a few shows that I really love (24, Everybody Loves Raymond, Deadliest Catch), but I hate the mind-numbing effect of turning on the TV and letting the cable wash over you. Randy Alcorn has a great article over on his blog about taking charge of the TV. Here are his 14 rules:
1. Keep track of how much time you spend watching.
2. Decide in advance how much TV to watch per week.
3. Use a schedule to choose programs for the week
4. Keep your television unplugged, store it in a closet, and/or put it in a remote part of the house
5. Periodically “fast” from television for a week or a month.
6. Choose programs that uplift rather than undermine biblical values.
7. Use the “off” switch freely.
8. Use the channel changer frequently.
9. Watch and discuss programs together as a family
10. Don’t allow young children to choose their own programs
11. Don’t use television as a baby sitter.
12. Spend an hour reading Scripture, a Christian book or magazine, or doing a ministry for each hour you watch TV.
13. Consider dropping cable, Showtime, HBO, or any other service that you determine is importing ungodliness or temptation into your home.
14. If you find you can’t control it—or you’re tired of the battle—get rid of your television.
Shaun Groves also has an excellent article about why he canceled his cable. You can find it here.
This is the fourth post in a series of posts titled “Pastorals”. One of the things that I have begun to realize about myself is that I tend to forget things quickly. My goal in this series is to continually remind myself of the lessons that I have learned in ministry.
One of the great privileges of my life has been to serve the local church. I love the church and with each passing day that I serve the church I grow to love her even more. The church is the bride of Christ and her Husband paid a terrible price to purchase her salvation. As one of His undershepherds you too must love His bride and cherish her.
While I deeply love the church, the sad reality is that the church can be a hard place to serve at times. Emotions seem to run much deeper when something is as personal as ministry and the cost to your own soul will be steep. I remember a conflict many years ago where a parent of one of my High School students was so furious with me over a decision that I had made that he called me on my cell phone and literally yelled at me for 30 minutes, while I was driving around planning a youth retreat. Several weeks later this same man gave me the tongue lashing of my life on the church patio, on a Sunday morning, 5 minutes before I had to get up and lead worship. So, while undershepherds must love the church deeply, we must also be realistic about what it costs to love the church.
What I would like to address this morning is not so much the matter of loving the church even when she hurts you, but more specifically, where is the minister to go with those hurts? The most natural answer to this question is that he should go to his wife and while this is sometimes true, it certainly deserves a little more thought. Far too many shepherds bring home baggage from the ministry that they leave with their wife, or even (sadly) with their kids. The end result of this practice is a wife and children who are bitter at the church for hurting their dad or her husband. So, what do you tell your family about the ministry? In short, all of the good things. Tell them about the joy of studying, the new insight that you received today, the precious moments by someone’s side in the hospital, and the man who gave his life to Christ in your office. The point is to tell your family all of the good things that happen and especially never to speak ill of anyone in the church. You need not fear that this will present them with an unrealistic picture of ministry. Your countenance at times, or the slump in your shoulder will be testimony enough to the battles that you have fought. You need not supplement these silent testimonies with anything else.
The question still remains, “to whom shall you go?” The most tangible answer to this question is to other pastors who can shoulder the burden alongside of you. In addition, it is appropriate at times to speak with your wife about some of the hard things, but you must be especially diligent to guard her heart and to keep her appraised of the situation until its completion (don’t just leave her hanging). Finally, cast your cares upon the Lord (1 Peter 5:7) and trust the Chief Shepherd to care for you.
This is a great article by Arthur Pink on the need for family worship.
We wonder how many of our readers have seriously pondered these awe-inspiring words! Observe what fearful threatenings are pronounced against those who disregard family worship! How unspeakably solemn to find that prayerless families are here coupled with the heathen, who do not acknowledge the Lord.
How loudly should these words speak to us! It is not enough that we pray as private individuals; we are required to honor God in our families as well. Each day, the whole household should be gathered together to bow before the Lord–to confess their sins, to give thanks for God’s mercies, to seek His help and blessing. Nothing must be allowed to interfere with this duty–all other domestic arrangements are to bend to it. The head of the house is the one to lead the devotions. If he is absent–or seriously ill–or an unbeliever, then the wife should take his place. But under no circumstances, should family worship be omitted. If we would enjoy the blessing of God upon our family–then let its members gather together daily for praise and prayer. “Those who honor Me–I will honor” is His promise.
All our domestic comforts and temporal mercies, issue from the loving-kindness of the Lord. The least we can do in return, is to gratefully acknowledge together, His goodness to us as a family. Excuses against the discharge of this sacred duty–are idle and worthless! Of what avail will it be when we render an account to God for the stewardship of our families–to say that we had no time available? The more pressing are our temporal duties–the greater our need of seeking divine help. Nor may any Christian plead that he is not qualified for such a work–gifts and talents are developed by use–and not by neglect.
Family worship should be conducted reverently, earnestly and simply. It is then, that the little ones will receive their first impressions, and form their initial conceptions of the Lord God. Great care needs to be taken, lest a false idea of the Divine Character be given to them.
The advantages and blessings of family worship are incalculable! First, family worship will prevent much sin. Daily prayer in the home, is a blessed means of grace for allaying those unhappy passions to which our common nature is subject. It awes the soul, conveys a sense of God’s majesty and authority, and sets solemn truths before the mind. How can those who neglect the worship of God in their families–look for peace and comfort therein?
Personal piety in the home is the most influential means, under God, of conveying piety to the little ones. Children are largely creatures of imitation, loving to copy what they see in others.
Finally, family prayer gains for us the presence and blessing of the Lord. There is a promise of His presence which is peculiarly applicable to this duty, “Where two or three are gathered together in My name–I am there among them.” Matthew 18:20. Many have found in family worship, that help and communion with God–which they sought for with less effect in private prayer.
Sunday was a pretty interesting day for me. I had a great time teaching my “Foundations of the Faith” class, but I noticed right when we started that Amy got a page from the children’s department and had to leave for most of the class. After the class was done she told me that Micah simply did not want to go to Children’s Church for some reason, which is very unusual for him. Normally, Micah loves going to Children’s Church and playing with his friends, but for some reason this day he was not interested at all.
I decided a long time ago that if there was an issue with the kids on a Sunday Morning that I would take care of it and make sure that Amy was able to attend the service. So, we found someone for her to sit with and I preceded to take Micah with me and setup for a couple of other meetings that I had that afternoon.
Around 12:00pm I decided to take Micah and head back to the sanctuary and hope that he would stay quiet for the last part of the sermon. As I made my way down the hall I noticed a man walking in front of me, who I’d never seen before. He stopped and talked to one of our members, who after looking around for a bit saw me and told him that I was the person he was looking for. The man approached me, told me that he was from the community and that he really needed to talk to a pastor, so I told him that as long as he didn’t mind sharing my office with a 2 year old, I’d be happy to talk. We ended up having a great conversation about the Lord and I hope to hear from him again soon.
As I’ve reflected on the experience God has impressed a couple of lessons on my heart. The first is the importance of being available. I definitely wasn’t expecting this kind of an encounter as I walked around with my 2 year old, but I was available for this man and that made a big impression on him. The second lesson I learned was that God is more than able to take hard things or even frustrating things in life and use them for His glory. To be honest, I was a little irritated that for some reason my son did not want to go to Children’s Church and that I was being forced to miss the service, but if it hadn’t been for Micah I wouldn’t have been walking down the hall at the exact moment when this man needed to talk to a pastor. Proverbs tells us that the King’s heart is in the hand of the Lord and He directs it where He pleases, I guess that applies to my 2 year old as well.
If you’ve ever felt to busy for family, take these words to heart.
Many Christians believe the best thing they can do for their family is provide them with more stuff. So we continue to accumulate as though accumulation is the answer. All the while our children are screaming at us from beneath the piles of untouched toys and unworn clothes begging for a few minutes of our time. Time we simply don’t have because we are too busy trying to find that one thing we can add to the pile that will make the screaming stop.
