Learning to Grieve (part 3) – What Will Others Think?

Angel_of_Grief_by_BitterSweetTears__xGrief is terribly self-terminating.  What I mean by that is that in the experience of grief we usually look to no one higher than ourselves, that is why grief has a tendency to be self-referential.  We feel as if no one has ever experienced this degree of suffering or loss before, which means that no one has ever been as alone as we are right now.

For Amy and I, one of the great difficulties of Micah’s disability is the fear of what other people will think of him.  He truly does love to be around other children, yet our hearts just break when they can’t understand him or when it’s obvious that he really doesn’t get what they’re saying.  Children are one thing and yet adults are something all together different.  Why isn’t he like the other children?  What’s he saying?  Why is it so hard to get him to do what I’m tell him to do?  Micah’s disability of such a nature that he is extremely high functioning, but there’s just something that’s not quite up to par with other children.  It’s certainly not that other adults are judging us, or looking down on us at all.  We live in a wonderful community, minister at a wonderful church where everyone really does love Micah.  I guess more than anything it’s the fear of the unknown, especially when it comes to his education and what others will think of him and how they will treat him.

As I said earlier, grief is inherently self-referential, that is until you find a reference far greater than yourself.  As I was crying out to God the other day about Micah and what the future will hold for him, I was specifically reminded of the fact that God too is a Father and that he also had a Son who others thought poorly of.  Isaiah 53 speaks of the Father’s Son when Isaiah writes, “He had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him…He was despised and rejected by men…”  Now the point is definitely not that Micah is Jesus (far from it to be sure), but as I think about my own experience of grief over what others will think of Micah, I find great comfort in knowing that my Father has had the same experience with His Son who was despised and rejected by men.  I guess the point is that grief needs to go somewhere, it needs a reference greater than itself in order to find purpose and healing.  That greater reference is always going to be God and His own experience of suffering and grief in the incarnation and especially at the cross.

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November 02 2010 04:00 am | Devotional and Learning to Grieve

2 Responses to “Learning to Grieve (part 3) – What Will Others Think?”

  1. Arch on 02 Nov 2010 at 7:17 am #

    Hi Drew,

    I passed by Tim Challies blog today and was drawn to your blog for some reason. Anyhow thought I’d let you know how refreshing it was to read your blog posts regarding grief. I too, am dealing with a child that has speech delays and is high-functioning. And we’re still trying to figure things out that are related to his speech. But thank you for sharing here what God has been teaching you…I’ve been greatly encourageed! Your transparency in this post reminds me I need to be crying out to the Lord as well.

    Grace & Peace,


  2. Drew on 02 Nov 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    Thanks Arch, it’s so good to know that there are other people out there dealing with similar situations. This has been a tough road for us, but it’s been good at the same time as we’ve found new friends and learned to be increasingly dependent on the Father.